DO run around screaming. You might not be able to see the phone to dial 911 by yourself, so you’ll want to alert others to the fact that your eyeball just popped out of her head.
DON’T try to shove it back in. If you push the wrong part, you’ll make it worse. Plus, sometimes cool stuff happens—like your eyelid flipping back behind your cornea!—and you’ll want to traumatize everyone around you by forcing them to stare it for as long as possible.
DON’T worry about it falling and rolling away. It probably won’t even dangle! (Much.) The optic nerve will keep it in or near your eye socket.
When You Chop Your Finger Off…
DO rinse it off with cold water. Even disembodied hands need to be washed!
DON’T put it directly on ice. It will get an ice burn, and you won’t even notice because its nerve endings aren’t connected to your brain, anymore.
DO wrap it in a damp cloth, seal it in a ziploc baggie, and then put that baggie inside another baggie filled with ice cold water.
DON’T let anyone carry the finger to the hospital for you. Apparently husbands lose the finger or get stuck at a red light in their cars all the time, and then they have not only lost their loved ones’ fingers, but destroyed their marriages, too.
When You Knock a Tooth Out…
DO thank your lucky stars it wasn’t a popped-out eyeball or chopped-off finger. Seriously, did you read the other two sections? Your problems are nothing.
DO rinse it off with milk or water. If there is no milk or water available, lick and suck on it. I know that sounds weird, but it’s going back in your mouth eventually, anyway.
DON’T suck too vigorously, in case you swallow.
DO shove your knocked-out tooth back in the socket, so the squishy wet part is back in the gums where it belongs. If you can’t get it back in, or are too freaked out, hold it between your cheek and gums. Remember: No swallowing.
DO go to the dentist, now. When I first read this part I thought it was telling me I could just shove my teeth back in and they would be fine. In fact, you still need someone to sew you back together. [CNN, image via Shutterstock]